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Christmas/Military Humor
Dec. 22nd, 2008 02:56 pmI think a lot of you might like this one...
TO: All Service Members & Families of HOOAH Company
FROM: Goode, U. B., Commanding Officer, HOOAH Company
SUBJ: Official Visit Gen Santa Claus, Supreme Allied Commander
1. An official staff visit by Gen Claus is expected at your house on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all members, during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Service members may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy Post Plans and Policy Office.
b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OD, and Cap, Utility woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 2130. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."
c. Personnel will utilize standard "MRE" ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "MRE" ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.
d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1st Sgts will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800, 24 Dec. All Platoon Sgts will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.
e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-98 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SNCOs and NCOs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in house prior to the start of official clatter.
f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The Company Platoon Sgt will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.
g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign on each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight reindeer, tiny, flying for use by Gen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Donner, On Dancer, etc."
2. Gen Claus will hit "Dropzone Chimney" after receiving a "GO" from Senior JumpMaster Donner, Reference Jump Sequence Orders 12 – 0001. Senior JumpMaster Ruldolph will light the way with large red beacon. All houses without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.
3. All SNCOs and NCOs will be rehearsed in the shouting/sound off of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each Company Platoon Sgt.
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to you all!
GOODE, U. B.,
Commanding Officer
HOOAH Company
TO: All Service Members & Families of HOOAH Company
FROM: Goode, U. B., Commanding Officer, HOOAH Company
SUBJ: Official Visit Gen Santa Claus, Supreme Allied Commander
1. An official staff visit by Gen Claus is expected at your house on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all members, during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Service members may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy Post Plans and Policy Office.
b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OD, and Cap, Utility woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 2130. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."
c. Personnel will utilize standard "MRE" ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "MRE" ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.
d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1st Sgts will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800, 24 Dec. All Platoon Sgts will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.
e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-98 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SNCOs and NCOs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in house prior to the start of official clatter.
f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The Company Platoon Sgt will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.
g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign on each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight reindeer, tiny, flying for use by Gen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Donner, On Dancer, etc."
2. Gen Claus will hit "Dropzone Chimney" after receiving a "GO" from Senior JumpMaster Donner, Reference Jump Sequence Orders 12 – 0001. Senior JumpMaster Ruldolph will light the way with large red beacon. All houses without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.
3. All SNCOs and NCOs will be rehearsed in the shouting/sound off of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each Company Platoon Sgt.
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to you all!
GOODE, U. B.,
Commanding Officer
HOOAH Company
